Therapy
by SwordStitcher
Summary: Edward Nigma is in group therapy with Sphinx and he doesn't want to be there. After all, it's only a matter of time before someone mentions the underwear fiasco.


A/N: Hahahaha! *shot* I am _not_ sorry! This is an extra-special birthday gift for Bat-teen28! She wanted more Mist and Edward and that's what she's getting! I seem to be making a running gag of his underwear! *dies* Have I taken it too far though? Maybe the mankini was too far. Judge for yourself.

That is all.

Oh. No, no! Wait! Happy Birthday Batty!

Alright, read on!

* * *

Group therapy, was there anything more torturous to Edward Nigma? He supposed he should be punished for the crimes he committed and the people he killed. After all, he was hardly a saint. But did Hell have to be group therapy?

For gods sakes, it was group therapy with _Joker_.

Or specifically, Joker, Harley, Jon, Sphinx and Shark. Because the world loves to laugh at the unfortunate luck of others.

It was presided over by the ever underestimating Doctor Young. Already there were overtures of a bad start to the morning.

_Some little pissant idiot had sat Crane and Sphinx next to each other._

As Young went through the frankly tedious roster of rules, regulations and restrictions Edward had a front row seat to what was going on next to him.

'_Two-bit tool!'_

'_Harpy from hell!'_

'_Chop-shop Doctor!'_

'_How __**dare **__you!'_

As much as he loved a verbal scrap, Edward was hardly in the mood to see his friend and his stalker snipping at each other. He turned to look the other way at the bald, opalescent dome of White.

For a full minute, Shark ignored him but eventually he turned to glance at Edward. _'What?_' He hissed. _'What're you staring at?'_

'Are we expected to put up with this arrangement indefinitely?'

'As far as I'm aware….Yes.' Shark grinned at the look of abject horror on Edward's face. 'What? Scared of group therapy?'

'If you have failed to notice, we're in therapy with Joker and Harley. It's going to be a farce from the outset but that is further compounded by the fact some _moron_ sat Mist next to Crane.'

Shark's head jerked back in his seat and for a moment he stared at the two in a heated argument that thank god, couldn't get physical. The bright spark that had sat the two heated enemies next to each other also ensured that all of their hands were securely shackled to the chairs bolted to the floor and they couldn't get them close enough to each other to throttle. Not that Sphinx wasn't trying. Her hands hardly stopped moving in an attempt to get around Crane's throat.

He heard Shark laugh in that strange wheezing laugh he was capable of. 'So, what are the odds on this sessions going bad?' Edward chatted politely.

White's little red ledger of wagers was a legend of Arkham. It had dirt on everyone; it was the official unofficial betting pool of the asylum. Some of the guards even fluttered a wager or two on the outcome of these kinds of things.

'Six to one odds on an early adjournment thanks to injury.' He didn't even need to look at the carefully pencilled lines.

'That much, huh?' Edward smirked.

'We've also got a bet that your undies are going to come up.' Shark laughed.

The smirk slowly slid into a grimace. He knew who had made that bet. His eyes drilled into Sphinx as she continued her verbal sparring match with Scarecrow.

There won't be a single incident in his recent past that he would be reminded of so often as the fact that Sphinx regularly stole his underwear, just to confuse him and then mailed them back.

Although lately, she'd gone further than just mailing his underwear back. She'd recently begun a campaign of sending novelty items to him in lieu of actual underwear, while still conducting almost nightly boxer raids. He'd become absolutely exasperated.

In no way, however, was he giving in to demand. He burned them because the sheer gaudiness stung. He'd rather go without then wear some of the things she sent him. He didn't know how the information had percolated through the asylum but now, he was a laughing stock in "Kiss me quick!" undies apparently.

The argument between Mist and Jon was effectively broken up by the high security transfer of everyone's favourite giggling grandstander. In fact, it looked to be even heavier than usual. Joker must have done something lately that had earned another sanction, probably sent another death threat to the warden.

It was just a massive shame that he hadn't been sanctioned to the point where he was excluded from this idiotic notion of therapy. Not far behind him was Harley, her voice too loud and too droning for this hell forsaken morning. She much reminded him of a human foghorn.

Shark leaned over and whispered quietly. 'You'd think by now someone would have taped her mouth _shut_.'

Edward felt a chuckle ride its way up his throat. He'd been thinking the same thing. He was also pretty damn sure Joker was too judging by the rheumy glare he threw her way as they unstrapped him from what Edward had dubbed 'The Cart'.

'It's nice of you to join us, mister Joker.'

'Mister?' Joker giggled. 'Well aren't you trying to get on my good side Doctor!' Edward waited patiently for what was sure to come. 'I don't have a _good_ side.'

Of course. As predicted. Edward rolled his eyes and noted that several pairs were doing the same thing.

'Yes, well. Let's get on with it.' Young's voice lost some of it's enthusiasm and she returned to listing the rules as Harley and Joker were strapped into their chairs.

Eventually, she made it through the entire list and waited. They all sat in silence, each unwilling or uncaring to talk to the other.

'Oh come on, someone must have _something_ they'd like to discuss?'

Someone coughed, Edward's head swung around, sharp as a whip. He could have sworn Joker had coughed out _'Underwear.' _

His eyes narrowed on the clown with a glare that should have fused him to his seat. A shiver of laughter ran through the group. They were laughing at him. Laughing. At. Him.

Of course Young looked totally confused by what was going on. 'Would someone like to elaborate?'

All eyes darted between the two main players, Terry and Nigma. Edward would rather hang himself then discuss the current topic and Mist was enjoying herself way too much to comment and ruin things.

Silent seething was broken by Harley and her massive mouth. 'Is this over the Mankini? Awww Sphinx, even if Eddie doesn't like it, I think it's sweet and funny!'

Edward's laser-like glare swung to Harley and pinned her to the seat as Joker giggled and guffawed. She at least had the decency to look ashamed.

'Mankini?' Young blanched.

'I had it specially ordered.' Sphinx smirked unashamedly. _'With a question mark pattern.' _That did it, the other three occupants of this special ring of hell, burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Edward felt his face heat up and stupidly, he shifted, attempting to strike out at his neighbour. The chains around his wrist prevented him from even getting close to her.

'Didn't you like it Edward?' She taunted him as Young went around the group trying to calm them down enough to conduct a session.

In response, he lunged for her again and felt the metal biting into his wrists.

'I suppose, in retrospect, I shouldn't have seen any other outcome.' She admitted with that vaguely disquieting smile on her face. 'Next time, I'll go for the Stick 'Em up! Boxers.'

They broke into fresh peals of laughter as Edward turned the shade of a ripe tomato.

He was meant to be saving the pick in his pocket for his handcuffs tomorrow when he was taken to medical for assessment, but right now he was too angry to care about escaping. He'd much rather give Mist a nice new necklace of bruises.

Within seconds, his hands were free and he lunged at her.

He was almost immediately restrained by orderlies as Sphinx laughed.

'Get him out of here!' Young screamed.

Edward fought because there was no way in hell he was going quietly, especially since either way it was solitary for attacking another patient. Even if the other patient happened to be his annoying stalker.

As he was dragged from the room, he noticed Crane moving. Jon must have been waiting for his outburst. Almost as swiftly as Edward himself, he unlocked his handcuffs in the chaos and pulled something from his sleeve.

It was a canister.

After that, Edward stopped resisting so much.

* * *

'I hope you appreciated that Edward.'

Edward's head came up in the semi-gloom of the bare cell he'd been slung in. The voice was coming from the wall behind him and it didn't take a genius like him to figure out what had happened after he'd been carted off.

'So, they threw you in solitary too, Jon?' Edward laughed. 'Hardly a surprise.'

'It didn't take much deductive reasoning, no.' Scarecrow admitted. 'She was freaking out with some kind of hallucination and I had my hands free. Two and two make four. I hope you appreciate it.'

'You've been wanting to do that for a while. Don't deny it.'

A laugh meandered through the stone. 'True. I have.'

'How long did they give you?' Edward asked.

'Three weeks. Illegal chemicals, causing fear and harm to another patient, picking the locks on my cuffs….'

'Funny.' Edward smirked.

'What's funny?' Jon snapped.

'They said the same to me.'

Being in solitary for the next three weeks was not what Edward had in mind. He was meant to escape tomorrow, but now that plan seemed to be on indefinite hiatus. Still, it wasn't all bad. Solitary confinement meant no group therapy and no talk of underwear.

Better yet, he was confined to solitary with his best friend.

'Tell me she screamed her head off, Jon.'

'I thought her vocal chords were going to snap.' Scarecrow replied. 'She was screaming so loud even Harley looked uncomfortable.'

Edward chuckled to himself.

Sometimes, it wasn't all bad. Sometimes, it could just be worth it.


End file.
